The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Couch. On fire.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
