update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
