3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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