I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
