I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
two words: eviction party
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
