i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
