No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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