I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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