Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I don't think brook has ever known best
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
