You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
