how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
