So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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