Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
