For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
