SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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