i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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