Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
