I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
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he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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