I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Boobs speak an international language.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
