And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
