I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
