Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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