I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
