im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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