fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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