hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
