we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
