Apparently you make a good broom.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My liver just had a heart attack.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
