Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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