Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
