I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
