he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
