Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
