i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
