Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
