I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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