just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
