i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
