I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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