you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
