They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
