if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
