I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
