Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
