God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
