did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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