I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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