this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
