We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
