I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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