Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
