Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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