i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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