Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
