he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
