She said her name was "party"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
