he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
