please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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