Soap is not a condiment
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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