My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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