i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
