Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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