WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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