oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
