Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I understand Curling. That high.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
