If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
