DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together