Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..