Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.