She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
His hands were made for my vagina.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
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There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.