When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.