Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell