So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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