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• (512): View more from Texas

  My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, you need to talk to your mom

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  wtf?

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.

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• (631): View more from New York

  We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (713): View more from Texas

  I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.

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• (530): View more from California

  I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night

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• (281): View more from Texas

  This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.

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• (985): View more from Louisiana

  Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.

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