Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary