i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy