Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.

(612): View more from Minnesota

only room for one pussy in that bed.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete

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(586): View more from Michigan

You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(617): View more from Massachusetts

i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?

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(607): View more from New York

It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.

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