What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
