I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
