Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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