Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
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That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize